Every time there's a step backwards, you feel like a piece of you goes missing.
Every time there's a step forward, your bond with your child gets stronger.
So, with time, what you thought was your own strength leaves more and more space to a bond that, every time, makes you both a little bit stronger.
They told us it would be a roller coaster.
And they were right.
The emotions of a special needs journey change with incredible rapidity and to an unimaginable extent.
When you have a child, you learn that your kid's progression won't be linear: sometimes she learns a big skill in the blink of an eye, and then for days it seems that she completely forgot that skill.
But when you have a special needs child, this change of circumstances broadens in intensity and consequences.
Your child might have an important medical procedure which will affect weeks and weeks of therapies aimed to help your child conquer new skills. And when this happens, you feel defeated.
You feel like all the work you have done, all the sacrifices you both made, all the effort that your kid put in achieving new "milestones", it's all gone.
Every time this happens, it's another piece of you that feels lost. Forever.
Likewise, your child might suddenly surprise you with a new skill, or might not need a medication anymore.
Whether you contributed to her step forward, you rejoice with her and for her. You are in a sublime state of pure joy, and it's all because you want your child to be happy.
Her steps forward feel like you too are stepping forward and this fortifies your bond and your relationship.
The magic of the roller coaster is that you lose here and there bits of your own strength, and yet your bond with your child makes you feel complete.
You are not that strong individual anymore, but damn what a strong family you become!
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